This song really hit me when Kim and I were driving to Calgary on Thursday and I think that it's really relevant to where I'm at right now.  

Somebody's Baby

~Jon Foreman

She yells, "if you were homeless,

sure as hell you'd be drunk

or high or trying to get there

or begging for junk

when people don't want you, 

they just throw you money for beer"

Her name is November, 

she went by Autumn or Fall

It was seven long years 

since the autumn when all

of her nightmares grew fingers 

and all of her dreams grew a tear

She's somebody's baby, 

somebody's baby girl

She's somebody's baby, 

somebody's baby girl

And she's somebody's baby still

She screams, "well if you've never 

gone it alone

well then go ahead you better

throw the first stone

you got one lonely stoner waiting to bring to her knees"

She dreams about heaven

remembering hell

As a nightmare she visits

And knows all too well

Every now and again 

when she's sober she brushes her teeth

She's somebody's baby, 

somebody's baby girl

She's somebody's baby, 

somebody's baby girl

And she's somebody's baby still

Today was her birthday

strangely enough

when the cops found her body

at the foot of the cliff

the anonymous caller this morning

tipped off the police

they got her ID

from her dental remains

the same fillings intact

the same nicotine stains

the birth and the death 

were both over

with no one to grieve

She's somebody's baby, 

somebody's baby girl

She's somebody's baby, 

somebody's baby girl

And she's somebody's baby still

After hearing this song for the first time, I decided that I never wanted anyone to have to live in that kind of despair.  I also didn't want anyone to have to die and have no one even notice they were gone.  People are valuable to God, no matter who they are and I want God's heart to be my heart.  We went to Josh's church this morning and it was a really challenging time.  The worship time was really good and the speaker was from Gospel for Asia.  He mostly talked about the untouchable children in India and how they're viewed and what GFA was doing about it.  It broke my heart to hear about the way that people in India place no value on the lives of so many people.  I've been thinking, though, that I probably inadvertently place less value on the lives of some than I should.  

Man!  So much to say!  

Kim and I got up early this morning and walked to Second Cup for some quiet time.  It was probably the best quiet time I've had for quite a while.  Things just seemed to become so clear to me.  

I've been thinking a lot lately about social responsibility and what my role is as a Christian in our world.  It's been pretty cool thinking about possibilities and being a part of a church that's definitely moving forward in an active way toward what part we should be playing in the grand scheme of things.  I've also been thinking about my faith.  About what makes it real.  What the outworking of it should look like in everyday life.  

So, this morning I was reading Hosea 6 and thinking about how God felt about the Israelites and their feeble attempts at being good enough without God.  They were so far gone when it came to truly connecting with God because of their traditions and the distance that their self-made rules had put between them and God.  Then, as I was reflecting on Hosea 6:6 which says, "I want you to show love (or mercy), not offer sacrifices.  I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings."  I was thinking about how this all pertained to me.  Whether there were things in my life that put a rift between God and I.  I knew there were, but I wanted a clearer picture of what those things were.  Then this song came on my discman:

Instead of a Show

~Jon Foreman

I hate all your show and pretense

The hypocrisy of your praise

The hypocrisy of your festivals

I hate all your show

Away with your noisy worship

Away with your noisy hymns

I stop up my ears when you're singing them

I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice

An endless procession of righteous living, living

Instead let there be a flood of justice

Instead of a show

Your eyes are closed when you're praying

You sing right along with the band

You shine up your shoes for services, 

But there's blood on your hands.

You turned your back on the homeless

And the ones who don't fit in your plans

Quit playing religion games

There's blood on your hands

Ah!  Let's argue this out

If your sins are blood red

Let's argue this out

You'll be white as the clouds

Let's argue this out 

Quit fooling around!

Give love to the ones who can't love at all

Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all

Stand up for the ones who can't stand at all

Instead of a show, I hate all your show

It was the perfect thing for me to hear at that moment.  I've really been feeling challenged to be different than the world around me by responding in love to the people around me.  Even when those people are needy and often inconvenient.  There's another song by Jon Foreman that's been in my head for the past few days that totally sums up the attitude I often see in myself.  Maybe I'll post those lyrics separately so that this isn't so freaking long!  

Needless to say, my hope for processing time and new vision has definitely been realized!  I'm so thankful for this time away to be refreshed and clearly challenged!

So, I'm in Calgary. Just a short drive away from the majestic Rockies. I'm so excited to see them up close. To stand in awe of their splendour and the power of the One who created them. It's been really cool over the past few days seeing the different facets of who God is in the circumstances surrounding our trip. There were a lot of obstacles that needed to be overcome before we could leave and God very clearly provided for our trip in different ways. Whitey (Kim's car) needed a new muffler and a new brake hose and God provided the funds to get those fixed.  Kim and I were both beside ourselves with excitement on Thursday morning when we were finally on the road!  Then, about an hour out of Thunder Bay, I found myself going 120km/h in a 90km/h zone coming down a hill.  Lucky for me, there was an OPP officer travelling in the opposite direction who seemed to have caught on to my driving faux pas.  He pulled a U-turn and followed me for what seemed like 10 minutes before pulling me over... then Kim couldn't find her insurance card and he was standing out in the freezing cold.  Not always the best thing for an officer's disposition/likeliness to extend grace...He ended up letting me off with a smaller fine than I deserved which was nice and I was careful not to speed for the rest of the trip! 

 Less than 2 hours outside of Thunder Bay, the already-noisy heater fan in Whitey started making a horrendous racket. When I asked Kim if it had ever sounded like that before, she broke eye contact and said, "ya, it's fine. Don't worry about it". After about 20 minutes at that decible, it became even louder. One thing you have to realize about Whitey's heater is that most of the knobs that control said heater are busted. You're lucky if you can turn it off ever. Needless to say, I was having a hard time focusing on the road given the noises coming from the dashboard. Finally we got to Upsala. We pulled in to the gas station and Kim went off in search of a mechanic who could give us some pointers. We also in our time in Upsala attempted to silence the heater fan by banging on it under the hood with my stainless steel water bottle. To no avail. Both of us were feeling a litte discouraged at this point and, had we been anyone else, probably would've had a good cry and returned to Thunder Bay. But we aren't anyone else. And both of us were determined to make it to Calgary even if it meant listening to that terrible sound for the next 24 hours. A small ways past Upsala, we pulled over on the side of the road. We both were going batty. It was like Chinese water torture without the water or the Chinese. We prayed for a while that the Lord would work out our little problem and went on again. I think both of us were thinking that as soon as I started the car again, the heater would be whirrring quietly and we'd have a peaceful drive...that's not exactly how the Lord chose to answer our prayer. Kim decided to try and turn off the heater. This is always a scary thing to do because you never know whether the faulty knob will allow you to turn it back on. But, the heater turned off and we enjoyed about 8 hours of worry-free, warm driving thanks to the sun.  In the late evening, it started getting pretty cold and the windows were starting to fog, so we decided to try turning the heater back on...it came on at a normal volume for a good chunk of time before turning into heat monster once more.  So, we spent the night turning the heater on and off, but the heater worked enough to get us here! :)  I had my first view of the foothills on Friday morning after a sleepless night, but I was still wriggling in my seat like a puppy who's just seen its favourite toy in the hands of a likely fetch partner.  I'm so excited to be on a real mountain! 

Now, we're just kind of taking it easy!  It's been so good to just be able to chill and not have to worry about any kind of responsibility!  I've gotten some really great reading and praying time in and had some new insight on life!  God is good!  :)  More to come on that insight later!

I've decided that romance that requires sex as its catalyst is not romance at all.